Monday, March 5, 2007

2006 Idiot Rankings

Someone shared this with me and I couldn't resist passing it on.


Idiot Rankings


Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at

the poison control center.

Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little

daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there

would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed

down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she

gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency

room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

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Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to

steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in

getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a

Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency

locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

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Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the

Branch and wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he

began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might

call the police before he reached the teller's window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells

Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note

to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his

spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor,

told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was

written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either

have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of

America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back

at Bank of America

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it

anyway.

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Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that;

measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later

received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.

Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of

$40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that

contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.

He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign

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Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded

all of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of

Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.

He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier

refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to

him because she didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his

wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21

and she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address

of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

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Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of would be Michigan robbers entered a bank nervously waving

their guns.

The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the

startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign

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Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,

grab some booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the

window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It

seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, Here's your sign

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)



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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the

local township administrative office to request the removal of the

Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason:

"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman , KS

______________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport

employee asked,

"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I

know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

_______________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing

driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

___________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving

the company due to" downsizing."

Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this

more often."

Not another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights

stare.

This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into

itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her

system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.

____________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up

our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the

service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock

the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I

instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was

unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"

His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !

_______________________________________________________

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us . and they REPRODUCE

3 comments:

bradinthesand said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bradinthesand said...

Helloooooooooooooooo Cinta!
Love your Blog and what you guys did in Kobler. I hope to see more bills on this Blog too! Makes for good reading and gives me, the reader, the insight you were shooting for. Please don't stop. Thanks for being great.
Brad

CNMI Blogger said...

Hey, Brad!

Thanks for the encouraging words. I will definitely post some more bills on this blog, that's for sure.

Love your blog, too. Walt said to keep blogging and you'll eventually find your blog voice. Well, I think you've certainly found yours -- Mr. funny pants! Keep up the great job.

Go CNMI National Team!